I do...posted below
Dear Faux Pelini,
How do I talk to my children about an undefeated Minnesota?
Spooky Y.
OK Spooky,
It is a confusing time to be a young college football fan. Favorite players disappear into the college football portal; Texas is back, and then not, then maybe back again; and — most disturbing of all — the Minnesota Golden Gophers are 6-0.
As parents, we must help the next generation make sense of all of this. Children want to know their world is safe and predictable, and Minnesota not sucking at football makes them nervous. If this abomination can happen, what’s next? Double winters? A six-day school week? Kitten McNuggets?
Why is Minnesota’s bald coach wearing a tie on the sideline, screaming about rowing boats? How is he winning all his games? These are scary, uncertain times for all of us.
Spooky, it’s your job to reassure your child. Let her know there are a bunch of chilly northern people with smiles on their faces because of Minnesota’s six wins. They’ve been waiting a long time for this.
Point out the lessons on display about hard work and believing in yourself, even if those lessons are being taught by a sideline-pacing maniac who should be putting on a $35 seminar about How to Live Your Best Life.
Most important of all, Spooky, tell your child not to worry about this Minnesota thing. It’s a temporary glitch in the system, a bad dream. They still have Penn State, Wisconsin and Iowa left on the schedule. They will lose some games.
And when they do, order will be restored. She’ll then be free to resume worrying about regular things, like Alabama and Clemson and the saber-toothed tiger that may be hiding under her bed.
Sweet dreams!