View Poll Results: First Game of 2019 Heat Index. How Hot is your chili (etc.) for this game?

Voters
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  • Nuke Reactor Hot!!!!!

    44 51.16%
  • Very Hot!!!!

    28 32.56%
  • Hot!!!

    10 11.63%
  • Warm

    4 4.65%
  • I've cooled on them cold

    0 0%
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  1. #31
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    Aug 2013
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    .


  2. #32

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    Quote Originally Posted by fmlizard View Post
    I'm excited for Gopher football but trying to avoid channeling any echoes of Tim Brewster going into 2019.
    I respect him a lot for taking the high road unlike a recent coach. Tim was a good guy to me and my boys in person. But Jim Wacker was a nice nice guy too .... Just win the games.

  3. #33
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    There isn't a game on the schedule we can't win. The possibility of a double digit win season is real. Can't wait to get the year started. Yes, stuff happens, but it won't happen over and over again.
    Kingdom Warriors

  4. #34

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    Dadgum hot
    "A lot of guys look good running around in underwear." - 414GopherFan

  5. #35

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    This Hot -- long read but I think it's pretty good...

    "GOPHER CHILI COOKOFF"

    The notes are from an inexperienced Chili taster named "FRANK", who is from Iowa but was
    visiting Dinky Town:

    Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili
    cook-off. The Judge #3 called in sick at the last moment and I happened
    to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the
    Budweiser truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two
    judges (Native chili eaters) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and,
    besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I
    accepted."

    Here are the scorecards from the event:

    Chili # 1 Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili:
    Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
    Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
    Judge # 3 -- (Frank) Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could
    remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the
    flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Gophers are crazy.

    Chili # 2 Arthur's Afterburner Chili
    Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
    Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken
    seriously.
    Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what
    I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who
    wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer
    when they saw the look on my face.

    Chili # 3 Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
    Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.
    Judge # 2 -- A bean less chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
    Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels
    like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get
    me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my
    backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting ****-faced from
    all of the beer.

    Chili # 4 Bubba's Black Magic
    Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
    Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or
    other mild foods, not much of a chili.
    Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable
    to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid,
    was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB. bitch is
    starting to look HOT ... . . just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is
    chili an aphrodisiac?

    Chili # 5 Linda's Legal Lip Remover
    Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding
    considerable kick. Very impressive.
    Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must
    admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
    Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I
    can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed
    paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her
    chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by
    pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my
    lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop
    screaming. Screw those damn gophers!

    Chili # 6 Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
    Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of
    spices and peppers.
    Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and
    garlic. Superb!
    Judge #3-- I **** myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat
    through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that
    slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips
    anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

    Chili # 7 Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
    Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
    Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of
    chili peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried
    about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing
    uncontrollably.
    Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I
    wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds
    like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which
    slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava like poop to
    match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed
    me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not
    getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through
    the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

    Chili # 8 Tommy's Toe-Nail Curling Chili
    Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too
    bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
    Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild
    nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 passed
    out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure
    if he's going to make it. Poor dude, wonder how he'd have reacted to
    really hot chili?
    Last edited by Livingat45north; 08-27-2019 at 03:54 PM.

  6. #36
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    Jun 2009
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    San Marino CA
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    Thanks for that all-time classic.
    Go Gophers

  7. #37
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    Nov 2008
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    Awesome!!! This post made my day!

  8. #38

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    Yes it's time to get ready to roll! My Gopher flag that normally goes up on game day went on my house today! I'm ready! It's been a long time since I've been this excited!

  9. #39

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    One day away, chili is hotter than Skinner's Steamed Hams.
    You guys are playing like this is some throw away game up in Rochester.

  10. #40
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    Nov 2008
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    Dang my chili is so hot I just melted a hole in the pan! I've got 25 plus hours till kickoff...

  11. #41

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    Chilli meter heating up. Excited for kickoff, and Gophers whipping some rabbit rear end!

    Sent from my SM-J327P using Tapatalk

  12. #42

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    Anyone got any habanero peppers? I need to cool down my chili.

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