Who wins a fight between all of the Big Ten coaches?

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I totally stole this topic from the Nebraska board (www.huskerboard.com). I would post a poll, but this forum allows a maximum of ten choices and that isn't fair to four field generals who would get omitted.

Mike Leach entertained the same question with regard to the Pac-12 coaches. That entertaining exchange is here.

So your options are:

Tom Allen - Indiana
Chris Ash - Rutgers
Jeff Brohm - Purdue
Paul Chryst - Wisconstupid
Mark Dantonio - Michigan State
DJ Durkin - Maryland
Kirk Ferentz - Ioway
Pat Fitzgerald - Northwestern
PJ Fleck - Minnesota
James Franklin - Pedo State
Scott Frost - Nebraska
Jim Harbaugh - Meatchicken
Urban Meyer - The Overrated State University
Lovie Smith - Illinois

Discuss...
 


Urbs taps out in the first couple minutes, citing chest pains and his family.

Ferentz is just kinda there half the time but before he gets TKO'd he lands a major blow, every time. The crowd is perplexed as to how it keeps happening.

Durkin satisfyingly gets his ass beat by the majority of other coaches as soon as the bell rings.
 

Urbs taps out in the first couple minutes, citing chest pains and his family.

Ferentz is just kinda there half the time but before he gets TKO'd he lands a major blow, every time. The crowd is perplexed as to how it keeps happening.

Brian Ferentz runs out from the locker room to help....
 

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Love Smith is in good shape for an older man. He has some solid girth and muscle mass. Fitz has a few inches on him, but height isn’t as important in an MMA tap out match.

PJ would be able to outrun Fitz
 






Durkin isn't the coach at Maryland so I put Canada in his spot.

Eliminated right away
Urban Meyer - would fake an injury

Wouldn't last long
Kirk Ferentz - Wouldn't care enough to battle
Lovie Smith
Tom Allen
Paul Cryst

Scrappers who would fight hard but not last
PJ Fleck
Scott Frost
James Franklin
Jeff Brohm
Jim Harbaugh
Matt Canada

Final 2
Mark Dantonio
Pat Fitzgerald

Fitz would fight hard but he would also fight fair, Dantonio would win by slipping on a pair of brass knuckles and delivering the knock out blow.
 

I think PJ would do better than we expect - I can see him having a lot of scrappy fury and energy, he's an athlete, and he's young. Giving up some size to a few of those guys.

I agree Fitz probably takes it. Matt Canada should tag in for Durkin.
 

I think you're all missing a key point. In a fight like this, weaker people gang up on stronger people. I could see Cryst, Lovie and Franklin all attacking Fitzgerald to knock him out. Harbaugh would be a target for being a blowhard, plus khakis don't do well in battle. Fleck would get cornered and they'd yell "row the boat" as they attacked him.

In the end, I'll take Frost. No one hates him yet, he is pretty young and has good size.
 



PJ would give a press conference about how he is young, but isn't willing to sacrifice the culture he is trying to build just to win a fight.

I agree with Dpod, Fitz wins hands down.
 


Gophers need to give Faalele a very strong grounding in schematic fundamentals, leadership, and U loyalty and Godzilla everyone in 2040.
 

I think you're all missing a key point. In a fight like this, weaker people gang up on stronger people. I could see Cryst, Lovie and Franklin all attacking Fitzgerald to knock him out. Harbaugh would be a target for being a blowhard, plus khakis don't do well in battle. Fleck would get cornered and they'd yell "row the boat" as they attacked him.

In the end, I'll take Frost. No one hates him yet, he is pretty young and has good size.

I don't know why but I feel like Frost would fight dirty. Maybe not at first, he'd form alliances with as many as he could, then stab them in the back when it mattered most.
 

Urbs taps out in the first couple minutes, citing chest pains and his family.

Ferentz is just kinda there half the time but before he gets TKO'd he lands a major blow, every time. The crowd is perplexed as to how it keeps happening.

Durkin satisfyingly gets his ass beat by the majority of other coaches as soon as the bell rings.


You're right, this must be amateur hour.
 

I imagine PJ would try the old "rope a dope," which would end up being of no avail against bigger opponents.

If we talking Over the Top Rope Battle Royale, I'm going with Lovie. Coin toss between him and Fitzgerald. I can see an alliance where everyone would gang up on Frost, Durkin, and Harbaugh to eliminate those guys first.
 

I imagine PJ would try the old "rope a dope," which would end up being of no avail against bigger opponents.

If we talking Over the Top Rope Battle Royale, I'm going with Lovie. Coin toss between him and Fitzgerald. I can see an alliance where everyone would gang up on Frost, Durkin, and Harbaugh to eliminate those guys first.

I feel like Fitzgerald might step over the ropes by accident ala Andre the Giant.
andre-the-giant-7.jpg
 


Love Smith is in good shape for an older man. He has some solid girth and muscle mass. Fitz has a few inches on him, but height isn’t as important in an MMA tap out match.

PJ would be able to outrun Fitz

Yeah...he is in better shape than all but Fleck and possibly Frost. Plus that beard...
 

PJ's only chance would be from an endurance standpoint. Could probably keep good distance from oncoming larger guys.

Harbaugh would be out first. I'd have to imagine everyone would want him gone first just because of who he is.
Fitz, Franklin, and Frost would all be formidable.

Dantonio would out clever most but might get too centered on Harbaugh and get tossed out when he isn't looking while still throwing finishing blows on Harbaugh.

Frost would be most likely to fight dirty while acting like he's above it.
 


I would be between Fleck, Frost, and Fitz based on age and fitness. Fleck and Frost seem to be a little more fit than Fitz though and have him on speed and endurance. I think Frost edges Fleck based on the combination of comparable speed but greater strength and size.


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Durkin isn't the coach at Maryland so I put Canada in his spot.

Eliminated right away
Urban Meyer - would fake an injury

Wouldn't last long
Kirk Ferentz - Wouldn't care enough to battle
Lovie Smith
Tom Allen
Paul Cryst

Scrappers who would fight hard but not last
PJ Fleck
Scott Frost
James Franklin
Jeff Brohm
Jim Harbaugh
Matt Canada

Final 2
Mark Dantonio
Pat Fitzgerald

Fitz would fight hard but he would also fight fair, Dantonio would win by slipping on a pair of brass knuckles and delivering the knock out blow.

This is an excellent assessment and those 2 would be my Final 2 as well.
Fitz wins in a close one (without brass knuckles).
Brass Knuckles involved - he loses
 



D'Antonio had a heart attack 8 years ago. I don't know how long he'd last in a battle royale.
 

D'Antonio had a heart attack 8 years ago. I don't know how long he'd last in a battle royale.

The glare would intimidate the rest of the field and they would be afraid to go after him.

In a confined arena, Fleck would be in trouble but if there was space to move he would be almost impossible to catch and could wear down his opponents with his endless energy, taunting them the whole time with catch phrases and slogans.....
 




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