A Comprehensive Essay On Why Minnesota Will Beat Ohio State

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From an tOSU fan on Reddit's College Football page:

https://old.reddit.com/r/CFB/comments/9mguwd/a_comprehensive_essay_on_why_minnesota_will_beat/

I am not calling for an upset, but Ohio State should be on major upset alert this weekend against Minnesota. I will break down why:

Now first and foremost, the inspiration of this post came from looking at the schedule for the Buckeyes. The past three games for them have ended with the scores 49-6, 27-26, and 49-26. Besides Ohio State winning, what does that all have in common? The opponent of Ohio State has scored enough points to end with a 6, making it 666. Now, chettios, that means nothing and is completely arbitrary. Well at first glance, perhaps, but Ohio State is playing the Golden Gophers of Minnesota on the 13th. 666 and 13? Getting a little too spooky for me. But if you’re not convinced, Bear Bryant with me.

Golden Gopher has 13 letters in its name alone, but now there is an entire team of Golden Gophers. Minnesota has 9 letters in its name, so that negates everything, right? You’re about as wrong as James Franklin on 4th & 5. Minnesota is the upside down version of Canada, and 9 upside down is 6. Minnesota Golden Gophers is three words from an upside down Canada meaning 666. Now, this again may seem like a reach, but r/cfb, listen, just hold onto me like I’m Chase Young.

Minnesota is 3-2 coming off of a 48-31 loss from Iowa. Thank the Lord that Ohio State was not subject to the Fighting Kirk Ferentzs’ this season. However, Ohio State fans know all too well about that dreaded number 31. Ohio State lost 31-0 to Clemson back in 2016, and lost to Flag Planters of Sooners 31-16 and suffered a 31 point loss to the Defenders of Kinnick. Now with Minnesota being bested by the team that destroyed Ohio State’s playoff run last year, they are now crowned with the possible moniker of “spoiler.” That sounds familiar, spoiler… boiler.. Boilermakers—Spoilermakers! Every Ohio State fan acknowledged at the beginning of the season as Purdue being a trap game. We were preparing for it, expecting it. As a wise man once said, “Dread it, run from it. Destiny still arrives.” We were planning and preparing for Purdue who is Ohio State’s next opponent after Minnesota. We are overlooking Minnesota. Minnesota is the trap game for Purdue. Ohio State is expected to roll over the GG team. Well, the Buckeyes are more likely going to be GG’d if they don’t realize who the real threat is.

PJ Fleck of the wrist is flicking his wrist rowing his boat down the Mississippi and then up the Ohio and then Scioto and finally the banks of the Olentangy. With the last three major losses for Ohio State in the last 3 years, the Buckeyes are doomed. Minnesota is the 4th Horseman of this Ohio State Apocalypse and they are coming for the Horseshoe. Urban Meyer knew it very well last week, as the cameras showed him down on the ground against Indiana. They said he ran into someone on the sideline. Urban said during the post game press conference that he just had a headache, and did not run into anyone. Well Urban, you might’ve forgotten running into someone but you’ve already used the forgot card once this season. He knew Goldy ****ing Gopher is knocking on our window.

TL;DR: Dread it, run from it. Destiny still arrives. And Goldy Gopher is about to arrive.
 


I like it.


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Sounds completely lucid.
 



Brilliant. And not a dink.


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The Gophers have zero chance of winning against Ohio State. This guy has not watched 1 minute of Gopher Football. They OSU are favored by 29 1/2 points and Gophers will
not even cover. Ohio State could start there number 2s on defense and the backup QB and still beat this version of the Gophers. Gophers have zero chance. Over under on sacks given up has to be at least 5.

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How can you drug an entire football team?
 




The Gophers have zero chance of winning against Ohio State. This guy has not watched 1 minute of Gopher Football. They OSU are favored by 29 1/2 points and Gophers will
not even cover. Ohio State could start there number 2s on defense and the backup QB and still beat this version of the Gophers. Gophers have zero chance. Over under on sacks given up has to be at least 5.

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0%? We'll see how close they can get to create a possible upset let alone an upset. If the Gophers win perhaps you'll make a nice donation to the Gopher Hole website and eliminate some of the trolls on the board.
 

Ohio State will have at least one close call / loss from their games against Minnesota, Purdue, Maryland, Nebraska, or MSU. It seemingly happens every season. I just haven't seen much to believe it would be the Gophers to pull it off. In Columbus. Without Winfield and our good RBs.
 




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