Fake News about Big 10 Football

Livingat45north

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 27, 2013
Messages
5,149
Reaction score
1,887
Points
113
We need a new thread, things are kinda getting boring. So how about one with totally fake news but headlines or stories that you'd like to see about Big 10 Football -- think of "The Onion" meets GopherHole. Whatdoyagot?
 

Golden Gophers are top media pick to win B1G Championship
 

Harbaugh Has Sleepover with 25 Eight Graders. Fills out Class of 2022.
 


Big Ten Adds Six More Schools- Now The Gigantic 20
 


3/20/2018 - Washington DC: According to the Associated Press (aka Ass Press), the United States has decided to donate Wisconsin to Canada. "We really don't want it anyways", said President Trump, "getting rid of it is basically the same as taking out the trash". Prime Minister Justin Trudeau quickly responded with a tweet saying "don't dump that kind of crap on us, keep those beer gurgling cheese heads where they belong, outside of Canada". The fate of Wisconsin is still unknown at this time...
 

Tired of being healthy, Jerry Kill again returns to coaching.
 


Professional "cooler" James Dalton to clean things up at Tracey Claeys’ “Coach’s Pub and Grill”.
 



PJ Fleck Announces All Spring Practices Open to the Media. (What the heck are we hiding?) "we'll pick an offense after spring ball when we evaluate our personnel"

PJ Fleck Announces 3 Open Spring Practices For the Fans. Um, wait a sec...one of those 3 is the Spring Game. Now, that's fake news that really happened. Farmers Alliance and all. Deception is the same as lying yadda yadda
 

The Big Ten implements a new rule that all member institutions must reside within a state that borders a major body of water. Iowa joins the MAC.
 

Mark Coyle admits wrong doing towards Tracy Claeys, orders Fleck to hire Claeys as DC and pays him $1.62 million.
 





B1G Commissioner Delaney admits, "I've made some mistakes."

Delaney has made some mistakes, but considering the state of the B1G and some of the other conferences.... i'd rather stick with B1G mistakes.

Some PAC schools can't even see football games on TV in the school's home town....
 

We need a new thread, things are kinda getting boring. So how about one with totally fake news but headlines or stories that you'd like to see about Big 10 Football -- think of "The Onion" meets GopherHole. Whatdoyagot?

Amid controversy over speed cooking an exotic bird, Barry Alvarez resigns. Fan favorite Brett Bielema is named interim AD. In other Badger related news, Robbie Earle opens diving school next to Lord Fletchers.
 

Gopher starting safety, having completely & utterly bought into PJ Fleck's "giving & sharing" culture, donates eyes to blind child.

PJ fleck preaches selflessness, giving & caring as a constant mantra. So when the humble safety (who of course wished to remain nameless) was asked why he had decided to make this grandly altruistic gesture, he simply stated "I have truly, deeply and completely bought into Coach Fleck's row the boat culture". "So when I clearly saw this opportunity (with no hint of irony on his face), to help that poor kid, I couldn't turn my back on it".
When asked about his players purposefull self-blinding, Coach Fleck loudly replied, slightly in this reporters personal space, that "The young man has just been an inspiration to us all!" "We always preach Athletic, Social, Spiritual & Academic... and I think he's grown tremendously, in at least half of those areas."
We then spoke with DC Robb Smith, about how it has effected his starting safety's play ON the field, he replied to us, with almost deliberate lack of eye contact "I'm not going to lie to you & tell you his play hasn't slipped since the... procedure". "Sure, he can't actually see the players he's supposed to cover". "And ya, does that make my job harder?... Like a lot harder... Like craaaazy hard. SURE!... "But, on the other hand, he's become a way more vocal player out there." "And what he did for that kid has totally inspired the other 10 very, very tired teammates out on the field with him."

Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk
 


Gopher starting safety, having completely & utterly bought into PJ Fleck's "giving & sharing" culture, donates eyes to blind child.

PJ fleck preaches selflessness, giving & caring as a constant mantra. So when the humble safety (who of course wished to remain nameless) was asked why he had decided to make this grandly altruistic gesture, he simply stated "I have truly, deeply and completely bought into Coach Fleck's row the boat culture". "So when I clearly saw this opportunity (with no hint of irony on his face), to help that poor kid, I couldn't turn my back on it".
When asked about his players purposefull self-blinding, Coach Fleck loudly replied, slightly in this reporters personal space, that "The young man has just been an inspiration to us all!" "We always preach Athletic, Social, Spiritual & Academic... and I think he's grown tremendously, in at least half of those areas."
We then spoke with DC Robb Smith, about how it has effected his starting safety's play ON the field, he replied to us, with almost deliberate lack of eye contact "I'm not going to lie to you & tell you his play hasn't slipped since the... procedure". "Sure, he can't actually see the players he's supposed to cover". "And ya, does that make my job harder?... Like a lot harder... Like craaaazy hard. SURE!... "But, on the other hand, he's become a way more vocal player out there." "And what he did for that kid has totally inspired the other 10 very, very tired teammates out on the field with him."

Sent from my XT1585 using Tapatalk

Well done!
 

Michigan State has 12 football players graduate with their Women's Studies degree as they cut the ribbon on the new Suzanne Sena Women's Center.
 


Fleck Honors Gopher, Mortell Tradtion: Names Himself Coach of the Year
 



Fake (and possibly offensive) News

Trump Taps “Silver-Tongued Fox” Coyle to Broker Mid-East Peace Agreement
...”Mark Coyle is the only one that has ever bested me in a negotiation” said Trump. “His ability to convey important details and foster understanding” is the “only way” to end millennia of conflict. Coyle will step down as Minnesota AD effective immediately.

U officials Suspect Russian Involvement in Anti-Fleck Social Media Postings
...Perplexed by flat season ticket sales U officials are convinced Russian meddling is the only logical explanation. “We’d have won the Rose Bowl” said one high-ranking official, “if not for the anti-Fleck postings” of several individuals linked to the second cousin of the neighbor of Putin’s personal accountant. Several sites are under investigation for not policing their content more closely

Big Ten to Recruit More Black athletes, in Nod To Kaepernick
...”It’s past high time” we look beyond skin color and sign more athletes of other than Caucasian ethnicity, said the Big Ten Commissioner. “It’s clear Black athletes are not proportionately represented” and we cannot “continue to turn a blind eye and admit our part in systemic discrimination”.
 


March 21, 2108 -- Today the University of Wisconsin announced that they're planning on removing english, history and philosophy majors from their campus...

... or wait, that's real news, read all about it http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/379456-university-of-wisconsin-campus-proposes-plan-to-eliminate

Onion stories on bewildered english, history, and philosophy new grads will be harder to come by. Or this (NSFW).

https://www.theonion.com/guy-in-philosophy-class-needs-to-shut-the-****-up-1819568055
 

Gophers QB (pick one) coveted as elite NFL draft prospect.
 

Gophers Season-ticket waiting list continues to grow; consecutive game sell-out streak continues.
 

U of M is planning an expansion to the Athletes Village, as it is no longer in the neighborhood. Coyle announced fundraising has already started on the $200 million expansion with Facebook already committed to donating half that amount.
 




Top Bottom