ofergopher
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- Nov 12, 2008
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No one seems to be asking for much around here, just a few pre-Christmas wishes, preferably delivered within the next five days, maybe (or maybe not) willing to pay premium rates for expedited delivery, because we've all been nice and not naughty.
1. Smooth pre-game access with vehicles (or pedestrians, depending on one's own status at the moment) yielding to prevent lines from forming.
2. No backup at stadium gates, so that one can be present for inside and outside pre-game festivities simultaneously.
3. Omniscient border guards who can spot weapons in the back of a wasteband without conducting full body searches and spend less than two seconds per person entering stadium
4. Border guards at the Hats Off to Thee gate with the capability to distinguish between loyal Gopher recent graduates and enemy agents wearing red/white or black/gold underwear and attempting illicit infiltration of the student section
5. Respectful opposing fans who continuously express their admiration for the new facility and their gratitude at being able to experience it.
6. Band marching down University Avenue without contributing to congestion.
7. Liberty, justice, and uninterrupted cellular communication access for all
8. Crowd noise that intimidates visiting teams without drowning out the band in any area of the stadium
9. Every seat filled at kickoff, with all human seats above, and slightly ahead of, the assigned stadium seats.
10. At least 35,000 fans who are wealthy enough to afford season tickets, young, agile, or vigorous enough to stand for the better part of 3-4 hours, and good-natured enough to see the irony of spending an extra $70 for a seat back that they will seldom use.
11. High-quality food that will miraculously appear in one's hands without having to endure either long lines at concession stands or the distraction of vendors in the aisles and food, drink, and cash being passed along the aisles
12. Smooth dispersal of 50,000 persons from stadium to parking facilities to freeways.
13. 50,000 (well, make that 47,000) fans clad entirely in gold, watching a home team wearing uniforms that are anything but all-gold.
14. (although no one has yet demanded it) A flu-free season
Once these issues are addressed, we may be back with a supplemental appropriations bill that deals with secondary concerns like a winning team, a strong running game, an inerrant quarterback, more outside pressure from the defensive line, error-free officiating, coordinated flyovers, and a play-by-play announcer with more than three letters in his last name.
Despite these few petty irritants, we agree that we have never been happier.
1. Smooth pre-game access with vehicles (or pedestrians, depending on one's own status at the moment) yielding to prevent lines from forming.
2. No backup at stadium gates, so that one can be present for inside and outside pre-game festivities simultaneously.
3. Omniscient border guards who can spot weapons in the back of a wasteband without conducting full body searches and spend less than two seconds per person entering stadium
4. Border guards at the Hats Off to Thee gate with the capability to distinguish between loyal Gopher recent graduates and enemy agents wearing red/white or black/gold underwear and attempting illicit infiltration of the student section
5. Respectful opposing fans who continuously express their admiration for the new facility and their gratitude at being able to experience it.
6. Band marching down University Avenue without contributing to congestion.
7. Liberty, justice, and uninterrupted cellular communication access for all
8. Crowd noise that intimidates visiting teams without drowning out the band in any area of the stadium
9. Every seat filled at kickoff, with all human seats above, and slightly ahead of, the assigned stadium seats.
10. At least 35,000 fans who are wealthy enough to afford season tickets, young, agile, or vigorous enough to stand for the better part of 3-4 hours, and good-natured enough to see the irony of spending an extra $70 for a seat back that they will seldom use.
11. High-quality food that will miraculously appear in one's hands without having to endure either long lines at concession stands or the distraction of vendors in the aisles and food, drink, and cash being passed along the aisles
12. Smooth dispersal of 50,000 persons from stadium to parking facilities to freeways.
13. 50,000 (well, make that 47,000) fans clad entirely in gold, watching a home team wearing uniforms that are anything but all-gold.
14. (although no one has yet demanded it) A flu-free season
Once these issues are addressed, we may be back with a supplemental appropriations bill that deals with secondary concerns like a winning team, a strong running game, an inerrant quarterback, more outside pressure from the defensive line, error-free officiating, coordinated flyovers, and a play-by-play announcer with more than three letters in his last name.
Despite these few petty irritants, we agree that we have never been happier.