The headline in the Sunday paper will read?...

BleedGopher

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Rutgers Can't Restrain Gophers As U Cruises to 35-10 Homecoming Win

Go Gophers!!
 

Delaney's Folly continues as lowly Gophers blow out another opponent who has no business being a member of the Big 10.
 


Six Field Goals Pave the Way for Gophers 18-0 Win

James Johanneson Singlehandedly Defeats Rutgers as the Rest of the Team is Hit with Restraining Orders.

Dayton Remarks, "Football, Errr, Uhhh, no longer affordable, Derrr...
 



Leidner gets his head in the game...
 


Gophers lose after sitting all starters to avoid possible injuries.


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Gopher Football Season Cancelled: As Entire Team Now Listed on Restraining Order
 



Timberwolves poised to win the NBA Championship after dominating win in the pre-season Friday night while Vikings still a lock for winning the Super Bowl
 

Vikings lead the Gophers in pending court cases, but they're still the "LITTLE DARLINGS" so nothing will be mentioned in their 8 pages of cover.
 

Internet outage takes down media infrastructure.

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In separate but simultaneous press conferences both Trump and Clinton withdraw from the election. Each admits their likely inability to govern. As a side, the sports section touts the Gophers close victory obver Rutgers, as Leidner is pulled in the fourth quarter only to have victory snatched from Rutgers by the backup QB, last week's starter. The writer could not recall his name.
 



Huskies spot Gophers 5, erupt for 10 in the third period.

In other news: Gophers crush Rutgers. Lucia urges Rutgers to add hockey and is eager to get Big 10 season underway.
 







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