How should Gutter Helmet return the stein he stole from the Essen Haus in Madison?

Where should Gutter Helmet break out the 5 Liter stein stolen from the Essen Haus?

  • The Friday night before the Air Force game at one of the campus bars

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • At the tailgate the morning of September, 12 as a communal chalice

    Votes: 3 12.0%

  • October 2nd, the evening before the Wisconsin game at one of the local establishments

    Votes: 5 20.0%

  • At the tailgate before the Wisconsin game in full site of the Badger fans.

    Votes: 17 68.0%
  • Total voters
    25
  • Poll closed .
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Inigo Montoya

Inigo Montoya

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For those of you who have been GopherHole readers for at least the past 5 years will undoubtedly remember the infamous post involving our very own Gutter Helmet and a guy named Detlef who is purportedly an owner of the famed Essen Haus in Madison.

For those of you not up to date with this Detlef character here is a sampling:

http://thehole84398.yuku.com/sreply/52206

My question begs: In what monumental fashion should Gutter Helmet showcase his bounty?
 

Only as soon as Barry Alvarez coughs up the Slab of Bacon...
 



mckerney said:
Agreed. Fuck returning anything stolen from Madison until we get the Slab of Bacon as it rightfully belongs to us.
Click to expand...

This is the ransom Gutter Helmet has demanded in the past. He's placed an open invitation to any Wisconsin fans to bring the Slab of Bacon to the bridge that connects Winona to La Crosse and said they would trade the stein for the slab of bacon. Each year, it appears Detlef from the Essen Haus gets closer and closer to tracking Gutter Helmet down, utilizing the high-tech tracking chip embedded into the steins, which are family heirlooms, but he never quite makes it. Maybe this is the year Detlef catches up with Gutter Helmet. Or maybe this is the year this crazy game finally gets us our slab of bacon back. Either way, I hope Gutter Helmet is hanging out with ChinaGopher for protection. That guy swings a mean chair leg, and is totally comfortable with blood splatters everywhere.
 


If there was a hall-of-fame for rivalry internet message board stories/posts, Detlef & "the chair leg in the eye socket" would be the Ty Cobb & Lou Gehrig of the inaugural class.

The thief must have fiendishly disabled the secret microchip/homing beacon that could locate the stein.
 

GophBen said:
One little piece of mug at a time.
Click to expand...

I don't believe that is an option. If the stein is shattered, I'm afraid there will never be a way to reverse the curse Detlef's Bavarian grandmother placed upon us.

It's very simple: the Slab for the stein.
 

I vote for no return of the Stein

Terms were pretty clear, the Stein for the slab of bacon. Since the cheese weasels will
never return the bacon I say no return of the stein. In fact Gutter helmet should
start posting the scores on the stein this year, in honor of the Gophers returning home.
So much for the curse.
 




Jike Spingleton said:
I don't believe that is an option. If the stein is shattered, I'm afraid there will never be a way to reverse the curse Detlef's Bavarian grandmother placed upon us.

It's very simple: the Slab for the stein.
Click to expand...

Since the subhumans from that state to the east do not understand simple instructions and will not return the slab, I don't care.

Besides, I think there was a translation error from Detlef's Bavarian grandmother and Detlef. German women don't place curses on others, they curse at others. But being that Detlef lives in that state to the east, I can understand how he would have problems understanding words.
 

GophBen said:
Since the subhumans from that state to the east do not understand simple instructions and will not return the slab, I don't care.

Besides, I think there was a translation error from Detlef's Bavarian grandmother and Detlef. German women don't place curses on others, they curse at others. But being that Detlef lives in that state to the east, I can understand how he would have problems understanding words.
Click to expand...

From Wikipedia:
After the Gophers' 1943 victory, a ceremonial exchange was supposed to take place, but the officials involved could not find each other on the field. Wisconsin sent the trophy to Minnesota's locker room. The Gopher's coach at the time Dr. George Hauser refused to accept it, stating he believed "such trophies should be out for the duration".
- Minneapolis Sunday Tribune November 21, 1943 Sport section p.2

"Out for the duration." sounds like Gopher football, all right.

Moral of the story? Never refuse a trophy, you never know when your fans will be without one for so long that they'll be reduced to petulant mewling and puking.

Days since a Gopher has touched the Axe: 1,696 (and counting).
 

Yet more revisionist history from a Fadger

sfbadger said:
From Wikipedia:
After the Gophers' 1943 victory, a ceremonial exchange was supposed to take place, but the officials involved could not find each other on the field. Wisconsin sent the trophy to Minnesota's locker room. The Gopher's coach at the time Dr. George Hauser refused to accept it, stating he believed "such trophies should be out for the duration".
- Minneapolis Sunday Tribune November 21, 1943 Sport section p.2

"Out for the duration." sounds like Gopher football, all right.

Moral of the story? Never refuse a trophy, you never know when your fans will be without one for so long that they'll be reduced to petulant mewling and puking.

Days since a Gopher has touched the Axe: 1,696 (and counting).
Click to expand...

JEEZE, did you get your diploma from a cereal box? 1943...hmmmm....what big event that had no known conclusion was happening during this time...hmmmmm.....What a moron. Dr. Hauser was coaching because Bernie Bierman was at Great Lakes Naval airstation, all our All-Americans were at Michigan or Iowa. Dr. Hauser came in with an woefully undermaned team and still crushed the Fadgers. he did not think that trophies should be passed around until the full squads were back, it's called sportsmanship, Being a fadger I get why you don't understand. The agreement was when the war was over the trophy would be presented again. Your staff agreed, until it came time to present it, then they ran away. They were tracked down, hidding in the gym. The trophy was demanded and the B.S. "lost it" story began. As for the Axe? you better get a good look at it, 'cause when your leaving the stadium crying about the officals, or whatever, that will be the last time you see that thing for awhile. please quote me on that.
 

re3886 said:
JEEZE, did you get your diploma from a cereal box? 1943...hmmmm....what big event that had no known conclusion was happening during this time...hmmmmm.....What a moron. Dr. Hauser was coaching because Bernie Bierman was at Great Lakes Naval airstation, all our All-Americans were at Michigan or Iowa. Dr. Hauser came in with an woefully undermaned team and still crushed the Fadgers. he did not think that trophies should be passed around until the full squads were back, it's called sportsmanship, Being a fadger I get why you don't understand. The agreement was when the war was over the trophy would be presented again. Your staff agreed, until it came time to present it, then they ran away. They were tracked down, hidding[sic] in the gym. The trophy was demanded and the B.S. "lost it" story began. As for the Axe? you better get a good look at it, 'cause when your[sic] leaving the stadium crying about the officals, or whatever, that will be the last time you see that thing for awhile. please quote me on that.
Click to expand...

Lighten up, Francis. You should be thanking Wisconsin for taking such good care of it all these years. The Gophers weren't the only ones shorthanded, the Badgers were without CrazyLegs Hirsch among others. (see more: http://terryfrei.com/_wsn/page2.html) Anyway, Hauser didn't have a problem playing for the jug or floyd, did he? I can see why you'd be all nostalgic about the slab, it's a trophy that you actually had a winning record with, unlike the Axe.

And if you do win this year, I hope Punky has shown his players a picture of the Axe or they won't know what to look for. No one on your team has ever seen it up close.
 



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