Big weddings... How big of a waste is this?

[Ogee Oglethorpe]

I just don't get the whole big wedding concept. How is it prudent to spend $5K, $10K, $20K or more on ONE DAY? That just absolutely amazes me, unless you're significantly beyond wealthy.

My wife and I are both engineers and pull down a pretty fair annual household income and we got married at the drive-thru in Las Vegas, stood up through the moonroof of the Caddy. Marriage license was $55, service at the drive-thru was $45 (we checked into Elvis but it was more than I wanted to pay), and we had our wedding dinner at PF Chang's with our two witnesses for about $70. My wife also got me a wedding band on clearance at KMart, marked down to $28. Got the whole thing done for just an eyelash under $200. I should qualify this by saying on our one year anniversary we had a small gathering at a local park, catered by a BBQ joint, with 30 or so close friends.

Inexpensive, and the story is absolutely priceless; haven't come across anybody that didn't get a kick out of the story, although I've had to prove it to a few with pictures. In two weeks, we hit 4 years and have never been better. There isn't a luckier guy walking the planet.

Let's say your child is under 30, getting married. They're probably not rich just yet, might even still be in school for that matter. How are you helping them begin their new life together by throwing them a $10K+ bash for a single day?

Want to help them out? Pay off a student loan, pay off a car, or better yet, help them with a down payment on a home in which to start their new life together.

I know some people who have gone so far as to pay their kids NOT to have a wedding. I'm certainly down with that. I'm considering doing the same thing with my daughter.

I just don't get it. Tell me I'm not the only one that thinks this way...

[Schnoodler]

There is something to be said for the rite. welcoming the new couple into the community as a married couple. having them commit in the witness of many that are important to them. that does require some sort of a bash. But mostly, I'm with you and think the cheaper the bash the better.

Incidently, not as an omen or anything but my first wedding was at chapel of the bells in Reno. A very similar story to yours. Of course we did make it 14 years. although it wasn't great at 4 as yours sounds like it is. So i'm sure your outcome will be better than mine was.

[GophersInIowa]

I was in a wedding a few years ago (one of my close friends growing up). They had the ceremony at a small church. I think they only invited about 40 people. Instead of doing the big reception with catering and all that, they rented out a park on a local lake. Some that weren't invited to the actual ceremony were invited to the party at the park. It was awesome. We grilled burgers and chicken, and just drank a bunch of beer. It was a lot more fun than any wedding reception I've been to. So relaxing for everyone, including the bride and groom. Most weddings I've been to, the bride and groom are so tired by the time the wedding dance starts, it's hard for them to have fun.

[Ogee Oglethorpe]

I was in a wedding a few years ago (one of my close friends growing up). They had the ceremony at a small church. I think they only invited about 40 people. Instead of doing the big reception with catering and all that, they rented out a park on a local lake. Some that weren't invited to the actual ceremony were invited to the party at the park. It was awesome. We grilled burgers and chicken, and just drank a bunch of beer. It was a lot more fun than any wedding reception I've been to. So relaxing for everyone, including the bride and groom. Most weddings I've been to, the bride and groom are so tired by the time the wedding dance starts, it's hard for them to have fun.

Now THAT sounds awesome. Sounds like the perfect afternoon/evening. If you could see me now, I'm giving that a standing ovation. Hats off to the happy couple.

That brings up another point that drives me crazy about the big shindigs; the bride or family or whatever stressing out for weeks leading up to the event that something might go wrong, which is of course INEVITABLE. Why drive yourself nuts stressing out about it?

[ruppertflywheel]

Dropped 10,000 on two siblings last summer. The stress on my wife was tough. I've been married twice. My first wife passed away several years ago. My second marriage was done at the Brainerd
Courthouse. I did pop for a expensive ring because I felt she truly deserved it after bringing together a blended family which is no easy task with 4 kids involved. We did no reception and I used hotel and frequent flyer perks to take the family to DisneyWorld.

[GopherLady]

Ogee - sounds like you had a wonderful and memorable wedding. I do agree with you that big weddings are a huge waste of money - but unfortunately, a 5, 10 or even 20K wedding is not considered a big wedding. I've had a few friends that have been able to pull of simplier weddings of under 10k, but most spend much more than that. The most expensive wedding I went to was over $250,000...that's not just a down payment on a house, that is a house!

I'm not saying I'd ever get married, but if I did - I would really want all my friends and family to be a part of it, and they'd pretty much kill me if they weren't (especially after I've been in over 13 weddings). But I'd basically want to have a big party, with good music, food, cocktails and dancing. Spending the 10K on flowers is not something I would feel necessary (yes, I've had a friend spend that much on flowers alone). It's nice that you had understanding families that were okay with you having an intimate ceremony in Vegas, but most of us don't have that!

P.S. Do you regret not splurging for Elvis???

[coolhandgopher]

My wife and I are closing in on our 1st anniversary and we had around 200 guests at our wedding; as I've well documented on this board, my wife is Peruvian and if more of her family/friends had been able to make it, the number would have been around 250. To echo GL, it's nothing to drop $10,000-15,000 on the big day; we were pretty conservative with many aspects of the wedding (flowers through Sam's Club, nephew as the DJ, taking a chance on a new photographer whose price was extremely good) and our costs still fell between the $10-15,000 mark.

That being said, I wouldn't change a thing about our day and don't regret for a minute the costs. Neither my wife nor I are high rollers, but we're both professionals in our 30's, so we were able to handle the costs without too big of a problem and did not lean on either of our parents too heavily either. It is a lot of money, of course, and you can certainly think of many other good, fiscally sound ways to spend $10-15,000, but there's few chances in life to have celebrations like your wedding day. With a big Catholic family on my side and many friends collected through high school, college, and post-college, I had a tough time narrowing down the guest list to include everyone we wanted there for our wedding.

Was there stress? Yeah, but not the kind that made either of us freak out and we look back and joke about a lot of it these days. There were also a few glitches on wedding day, but nothing major and once again, part of the memories for us that we laugh about, as early as the same night. As for the actual day, without getting too gushy or tapping into the estrogen too heavily, it was wonderful to have all those people who have meant so much to me and my wife through the years present and share in our special day. On a self-interest level, I've never had a day (nor will I again) where we were the sole focus of everyone's attention. Sounds conceited and self-involved, I know, but it was pretty cool to be able to gather all those special people in our live for our party. And we had a fun, great, memorable time as did the guests at the wedding.

I do agree that there's a point where it's just excessive and ridiculous and the marriage gets obscured and overwhelmed by the wedding day; when GL speaks of $250,000 weddings, it makes my heart skip a beat and I want to lie down. However, I think the big wedding can be done well, without excess. I think our wedding qualified as such. And ultimately, while you have great memories of your wedding and a great story to tell, I think we do too. I believe that's because of the union of the couple, not the actual ceremony; the best wedding stories tend to be told by happy couples, no matter how big or small the wedding was.

One other note-our groom's dinner the night before was held at my Mother's country home and was a grill out, with just the wedding party and their significant others and our immediate families present. After we got eating, some of us played the bean bag game and Polish golf, while others kicked back and shot the B.S. I'm biased, of course, but it was the best groom's dinner I've ever attended-without the pretension, without the separated tables of your typical, expensive affair at a posh restaurant and members of the wedding party and our families got to mix and meet one another.

[monk10]

Car
Home
Vacation
Restaurant
Entertainment
Season Tickets

It seems like you can switch the topic and change the dollar amounts and create a similar thread. I have avoided this thread, because it seems like you had a wonderful wedding, and there is no reason for me to justify my wonderful wedding, since you have a bias towards it already.

[Ogee Oglethorpe]

Ogee - sounds like you had a wonderful and memorable wedding. I do agree with you that big weddings are a huge waste of money - but unfortunately, a 5, 10 or even 20K wedding is not considered a big wedding. I've had a few friends that have been able to pull of simplier weddings of under 10k, but most spend much more than that. The most expensive wedding I went to was over $250,000...that's not just a down payment on a house, that is a house!

I'm not saying I'd ever get married, but if I did - I would really want all my friends and family to be a part of it, and they'd pretty much kill me if they weren't (especially after I've been in over 13 weddings). But I'd basically want to have a big party, with good music, food, cocktails and dancing. Spending the 10K on flowers is not something I would feel necessary (yes, I've had a friend spend that much on flowers alone). It's nice that you had understanding families that were okay with you having an intimate ceremony in Vegas, but most of us don't have that!

P.S. Do you regret not splurging for Elvis???

First off, I did think Elvis would have been pretty cool but our guy at the drive-thru was named Jesus Diaz, so I like to tell people that we got married by the big guy himself, Jesus C. How much more binding can it get than that?

As far as understanding families, ummmm.... we didn't test those waters. We actually kept it a secret for a good 6 months, but everybody was fairly cool with it. Shocking, I know...

Coolhand, your situation is not exactly what I was referencing in my original post. I was speaking more of the early-mid 20's soon-to-be newlyweds, just getting going in life, maybe even still in school, not a pot to piss in. If you're already somewhat established, I don't have a problem with people doing what makes them happy and is moderately fiscally responsible.