Question for the boys here - Sex addiction...

[GopherLady]

real or fake problem? Tiger is claiming this as David Duchovney, Michael Douglas and Eric Bennet (Halle Berry's ex). I guess he cheated on Halle on their wedding day...I wonder how he even snuck away to do that?

http://news.oneindia.in/2010/01/13/tiger-woods-checks-into-sex-addiction-rehab-centre.html

[nasa35]

Most men are sex addicts, it's the way we're wired...but it's self centered a$$holes like tiger who CHOOSE not to control himself and keep his word. He's married and has children, that's when the "addiction" needs to stop.

I have no respect for any man or woman who cheat on their spouse.

[tikited]

Most men are sex addicts, it's the way we're wired...but it's self centered a$$holes like tiger who CHOOSE not to control himself and keep his word. He's married and has children, that's when the "addiction" needs to stop.

I have no respect for any man or woman who cheat on their spouse.

The term "addict" is over-used in our society imo. I have no idea if it is real or not, but many use it as an easy way out in a lot of cases. Tiger is just using more lies to cover-up the lies. Just like his buddy McGwire.

[GophersInIowa]

The term "addict" is over-used in our society imo. I have no idea if it is real or not, but many use it as an easy way out in a lot of cases. Tiger is just using more lies to cover-up the lies. Just like his buddy McGwire.

Exactly, it's used so often now. It's like they want us to think "Poor Tiger Woods, he had an addiction and can't help himself. Hopefully he gets help." I don't think so! He's a d-bag who cheated on his wife many, many times. It's fine if he wants to live this lifestyle, but then don't get married and have kids. It's that simple.

I've had a past girlfriend cheat on me before and it was not fun. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a spouse cheat. It's just wrong in so many ways.

[monk10]

I was wondering who would take the bait and be tricked into being called boys instead of men. Nicely played GL. :)

If I have breakfast every morning to do I have a egg addiction? Or is it only if I have breakfast with my sex do I have an addiction? I need the Doc's official word on this.

[station19]

I was wondering who would take the bait and be tricked into being called boys instead of men. Nicely played GL. :)

If I have breakfast every morning to do I have a egg addiction? Or is it only if I have breakfast with my sex do I have an addiction? I need the Doc's official word on this.

Doc is busy right now trying to figure out if he has a sex addiction or a wallet addiction.

[jamiche]

Like most people, I'm skeptical. "Sex Addiction" is a diagnosis that didn't exist 50 years ago.

Tiger's behavior has more to do with unlimited resources, unlimited freedom and a lack of accountability to others than a "diseased" libido. Having said that, I really try not to make assumptions about other people's marriages. Couples have their own dances and the rules change as the partners change and life circumstances change. I find it difficult to believe that Elin didn't know what the program was when she signed on and Tiger's extracurriculars may have been tolerable until they became intolerable. While I'm sure they have a ton of child care help in the house, as a practical matter, I couldn't figure out how he could be out clubbing all of the time even when he was home with little kids in the picture. Like most people, when our kids were little, if one of us was out of the house the other knew where we were and when we would be home because child care was a shared responsibility. It's obviously a different world for some folks.

[Dr.Don]

I was wondering who would take the bait and be tricked into being called boys instead of men. Nicely played GL. :)

If I have breakfast every morning to do I have a egg addiction? Or is it only if I have breakfast with my sex do I have an addiction? I need the Doc's official word on this.

Hey monk10...Thanks for asking for my advice. Here is the way I look at it... :clap: :

When I was a lot younger, the Joy of Sex (great reading book by the way) was very high on my priority list.

Now that I am a Sexy Senior Citizen, it is not even on the list anymore.

I'd rather have a cold beer and talk on the GopherHole. :rockon:

Go Gophers!

[Dr.Don]

Doc is busy right now trying to figure out if he has a sex addiction or a wallet addiction.

station19...It is the off-season for the dubious Walmart Scam. However, I am in charge of the off-season training table at Don's Car Washes in Moorhead and Fargo (indoor facilities, I might add), where we have the Concordia College/Moorhead Girls in their off-season training activities.

The studettes are maintaining their regimen vigilantly, in hopes of being hired come spring in The Valley.

These tryouts and off-season practice are more advanced than the tryouts required to become a member of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.

[Costa Rican Gopher]

Sex addiction = Complete crap, but who DIDN'T see this coming, lol.

Why not just say "Look, I'm Tiger Woods. I have girlfriends because I'm a young, multi-millionaire athlete and well...I can. My wife knew about this when she signed up for the Tiger show, but now she's changed her mind and we'll be splitting up. I wish her the best and would like to spare my kids any further embarrassment, let's move on"

In my mind, men just aren't wired to be with (sexually) one woman their entire lives. Many do it, but it's a constant struggle against nature, like being a Priest & celibacy.

[MissInformed]

Like most people, I'm skeptical. "Sex Addiction" is a diagnosis that didn't exist 50 years ago.

Tiger's behavior has more to do with unlimited resources, unlimited freedom and a lack of accountability to others than a "diseased" libido. Having said that, I really try not to make assumptions about other people's marriages. Couples have their own dances and the rules change as the partners change and life circumstances change. I find it difficult to believe that Elin didn't know what the program was when she signed on and Tiger's extracurriculars may have been tolerable until they became intolerable. While I'm sure they have a ton of child care help in the house, as a practical matter, I couldn't figure out how he could be out clubbing all of the time even when he was home with little kids in the picture. Like most people, when our kids were little, if one of us was out of the house the other knew where we were and when we would be home because child care was a shared responsibility. It's obviously a different world for some folks.


I share your skepticism on this but I do think for some a small percentage of both men and women, sex addiction does exist. I have an old friend who seems to be descending into this to some degree. His behavior is actually kind of frightening to watch because he doesn't seem to be in control of himself. Obviously some men pat him on the back for his "accomplishments" but those closest to him have watched him put his marriage and his health and the health of his spouse on the line time and time again. As near as I can tell it's as much about the hunt and getting some new woman to acquiesce as it is about the actual act of sex. When he's being honest with himself he'll tell you, he doesn't even know why he does what he does and he wishes he didn't feel so out of control. His impulse to pursue a new sexual conquest overrides his very valid fears of losing his wife, his kids, and his house.

Whether this applies to Tiger is debatable but I'll leave that debate to the professionals. He's still responsible for his actions, just like a kleptomaniac or an arsonist would be. No medical condition will absolve from what he's done. He's hurt to many people in the process.

[jamiche]

I share your skepticism on this but I do think for some a small percentage of both men and women, sex addiction does exist. I have an old friend who seems to be descending into this to some degree. His behavior is actually kind of frightening to watch because he doesn't seem to be in control of himself. Obviously some men pat him on the back for his "accomplishments" but those closest to him have watched him put his marriage and his health and the health of his spouse on the line time and time again. As near as I can tell it's as much about the hunt and getting some new woman to acquiesce as it is about the actual act of sex. When he's being honest with himself he'll tell you, he doesn't even know why he does what he does and he wishes he didn't feel so out of control. His impulse to pursue a new sexual conquest overrides his very valid fears of losing his wife, his kids, and his house.

Whether this applies to Tiger is debatable but I'll leave that debate to the professionals. He's still responsible for his actions, just like a kleptomaniac or an arsonist would be. No medical condition will absolve from what he's done. He's hurt to many people in the process.

I like your name. It applies to many of us on the board.

There may be a small percentage who have his problem but, as you said, it's really about the hunt so it could apply to many things other than the act of sex. Ther's no hunt involved for Tiger. It's there for him as soon as he opens his eyes in the morning.

[Dr.Don]

Here is the deal, GopherHolers. A man that is addicted to sex is suffering from a mental illness... It's all in his head! :)

[jamiche]

Here is the deal, GopherHolers. A man that is addicted to sex is suffering from a mental illness... It's all in his head! :)

Top five material, Dr. D!

[Dr.Don]

jamiche...almost rates up with Rick Mons's "...oops wrong forum..." thread.

[Dr.Don]

I like your name. It applies to many of us on the board.

There may be a small percentage who have his problem but, as you said, it's really about the hunt so it could apply to many things other than the act of sex. Ther's no hunt involved for Tiger. It's there for him as soon as he opens his eyes in the morning.

Your last sentence says it all, jamiche...I used to be that way too, in my younger years!

[Schnoodler]

Anytime you're dealing with a harmful activity that a person feels he/she has little control over you're dealing with an obsessive compulsive disorder. You can label it what ever you want.

We all have desires, but healthy individuals do not ingage in harmful activities. If he feels he has a difficulty controlling his actions it's a problem. you can quibble over the name of the problem if you just can't help yourself.

[MissInformed]

If I have breakfast every morning to do I have a egg addiction? Or is it only if I have breakfast with my sex do I have an addiction? I need the Doc's official word on this.



A person could work in a lot of breakfasts in one day and never touch an egg. It would be so easy to hide an egg addiction. Just sayin'.

[Ogee Oglethorpe]

Anytime you're dealing with a harmful activity that a person feels he/she has little control over you're dealing with an obsessive compulsive disorder. You can label it what ever you want.

We all have desires, but healthy individuals do not ingage in harmful activities. If he feels he has a difficulty controlling his actions it's a problem. you can quibble over the name of the problem if you just can't help yourself.

I know it's easy to poke fun at the Tiger situation and I have no idea what Tiger's excuse is. I really believe for him, as somebody pointed out earlier, that it's just a situation of unlimited resources and some pent up desires to play the field that was lacking in the earlier years.

I also (as somebody pointed out as well) think as a society that we are WAY WAY too quick to label people as an addict of something or another. I had a roommate in college who's wife (Psychology/Social Services major, go figure) was quick to label anybody having a drink too early in the day or week an "alcoholic". According to her, just about EVERYBODY had a drinking problem of some kind.

HOWEVER, I do think sex/love addiciton is a very real problem for some people. I guess I would caution some so quick to poke fun at a self-destructive problem that others may very well suffer from. Why is it hard to understand an addiction to sex/love but easy to grasp the addiction of gambling? Both are probably psychological rather than physiological addictions I would think?

IF this is what Tiger is claiming, however, it smells like an easy excuse to me rather than a plausible explanation, but who the hell knows.

[monk10]

A person could work in a lot of breakfasts in one day and never touch an egg. It would be so easy to hide an egg addiction. Just sayin'.

I just love the concept that not only that I ate the mom, I ate the kids before they could see the light of day. Is that wrong?

[MissInformed]

I just love the concept that not only that I ate the mom, I ate the kids before they could see the light of day. Is that wrong?


Well I'm not one to throw stones. At least not today.

Scenario seems to work out great if you're a rooster.

[Caravan Shaker]

I know it's easy to poke fun at the Tiger situation and I have no idea what Tiger's excuse is. I really believe for him, as somebody pointed out earlier, that it's just a situation of unlimited resources and some pent up desires to play the field that was lacking in the earlier years.

I also (as somebody pointed out as well) think as a society that we are WAY WAY too quick to label people as an addict of something or another. I had a roommate in college who's wife (Psychology/Social Services major, go figure) was quick to label anybody having a drink too early in the day or week an "alcoholic". According to her, just about EVERYBODY had a drinking problem of some kind.

HOWEVER, I do think sex/love addiciton is a very real problem for some people. I guess I would caution some so quick to poke fun at a self-destructive problem that others may very well suffer from. Why is it hard to understand an addiction to sex/love but easy to grasp the addiction of gambling? Both are probably psychological rather than physiological addictions I would think?

IF this is what Tiger is claiming, however, it smells like an easy excuse to me rather than a plausible explanation, but who the hell knows.

I agree with Schnoods and Ogee, with the caveat that there probably is some physiological basis for true addicts. I'm sure that there must be some type of dopamine/serotonin/norepinephrine response that these people crave and cannot control themselves.

FWIW, "sexual addiction" isn't listed anywhere in the DSM, so it's not recognized as a "disease," at least not officially, by the american psychiatric society. Of course, they also used to list homosexuality as a disease so using DSM criteria to determine if something is or isn't pathological probably isn't the best idea.

[Gopher4Life]

Costa,

>>Sex addiction = Complete crap<<

It's for real. My girl friends always seem to fall victim.

[Rick Mons]

Putting the word "addiction" aside and replacing it with "obsession" or "compulsion" and I'm thinking that Tiger has that behavior.

It doesn't excuse or justify the behavior but it may help explain the behavior and give the compulsive person a framework to address it. AA, NA and other self-help groups use the 12-step program and others with compulsive behaviors have found the 12-step program to be a helpful paradigm to use in turning their compulsions around:


We admitted we were ceding personal power to the compulsive behavior —that our lives had become unmanageable.
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others with this compulsion , and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

What's important IMO is if the "addiction model" works for Woods to reverse his decision-making and promiscuity with women.

[jamiche]

Costa,

>>Sex addiction = Complete crap<<

It's for real. My girl friends always seem to fall victim.

Did you really want to say that, G? You left yourself pretty wide open.;)

[jamiche]

>>What's important IMO is if the "addiction model" works for Woods to reverse his decision-making and promiscuity with women.<<

I'm not optimistic. If it wasn't important to him before why would it be important to him now? Not that it matters, but I'm not going to be judgmental about his "betrayal" of his wife because I believe that she must have known the deal. However, the same cannot be said of his children and they were evidently not important enough to get him to refrain from behavior that would jeopardize the family. More than anyone else, he betrayed them.

He will lay low for a while and go through a period of contrition but soon enough he will be winning golf tournaments again and "enjoying" his fame and money in the same way as before.

[Gopher4Life]

jamiche,

Once they've tried the best, they inevitably get hooked.

[jamiche]

jamiche,

Once they've tried the best, they inevitably get hooked.

Good for you, love machine!

[Gopher4Life]

In fact, more than I can handle.

405-623-8756
918-334-1789
316-216-9003
918-562-4592

[GopherLady]

Good for you, love machine!

Calling G4L a love machine...that's classic! And perhaps the only time he's been given that nickname.

Thanks for weighing in guys, I too - think the "sex addict" excuse for guys like Tiger is complete BS. He's a guy with women throwing themselves at him, and he went a long time without getting caught.

However, I do think that there is sexual addiction - they say that about men that are pedophiles, and I've seen some interviews too, where I'm like - they know it's wrong (and that's an understatement), but they can't help themselves. In cases like that, these are sick, twisted people that have that addiction that they cannot stop. Guys that cheat on their wives or girlfriends (and the same holds true for women that cheat), are just that - cheaters.

[Dr.Don]

Informative article about sex addiction:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/09/05/sex.addiction/index.html

[jamiche]

>>Calling G4L a love machine...that's classic! And perhaps the only time he's been given that nickname.<<


G4 and the word "love" in the same sentence??!! Though it is said that there is a very fine line between love and hate, so maybe it makes sense in a contorted kind of way. Yeah, maybe G really loves that certain special Chicago style pol. Maybe.

[Moonlight]

As a mental health professional (more in the past than current) I can say it is truly an addiction. Men and women with this addiction tend to have a history of sexual abuse and use sex like drugs to alleviate unbearable pain and unresolved history. Because sex is part of our wiring, when the wiring goes haywire it is very difficult to change. The emotional high of falling in love is hijacked to serve the psychological deficits. They tend to have great difficulty in having an intimate relationship and therefore tend to have terrible sex lives with the person they are partnered with (no matter the claimed prowess of their partner...). As a former therapist who has worked with people with this condition, I always laugh when I hear people wishing for a partner with a sex addiction. Really. It is heart-breaking for the partner.

That said, it is a slam for those who truly struggle with an addiction that stands in the way of a fulfilling love and sex life to have everyone with a fidelity problem claim this problem.

[nasa35]

ugh....peds are addicts? No, they're the scum of the earth, plain and simple.

Men are wired for sex, plain and simple. It's our responsibility to control that and be unselfish. Tiger is selfish...it's that simple IMO.

[GopherLady]

Good for you, love machine!


ugh....peds are addicts? No, they're the scum of the earth, plain and simple.

Men are wired for sex, plain and simple. It's our responsibility to control that and be unselfish. Tiger is selfish...it's that simple IMO.

When I 1st looked up the technical definition of sex addict - it was split. Some sites said that it would be people that couldn't control themselves, and used pedophiles as an example, and other sites said no - the two are completely different. They did link a few common tendencies - for example, 81% of sex addicts had been sexually abused, and many pedophiles were sexually abused as well.

I do feel like I'm a Debbie Downer on this topic - let's go back to Tiger cheating on his wife...not kids getting abused.

[jamiche]

As a mental health professional (more in the past than current) I can say it is truly an addiction. Men and women with this addiction tend to have a history of sexual abuse and use sex like drugs to alleviate unbearable pain and unresolved history. Because sex is part of our wiring, when the wiring goes haywire it is very difficult to change. The emotional high of falling in love is hijacked to serve the psychological deficits. They tend to have great difficulty in having an intimate relationship and therefore tend to have terrible sex lives with the person they are partnered with (no matter the claimed prowess of their partner...). As a former therapist who has worked with people with this condition, I always laugh when I hear people wishing for a partner with a sex addiction. Really. It is heart-breaking for the partner.

That said, it is a slam for those who truly struggle with an addiction that stands in the way of a fulfilling love and sex life to have everyone with a fidelity problem claim this problem.

Moon: What percentage of the population has been given that diagnosis and what is the breakdown between men and women?

[Bayfieldgopher]

A Dick has no conscience. That's why we have a brain. Problem is many males don't use it and use their Richard instead.

[Dr.Don]

I will be crass here...As my late Father said when I was a young adolescent: "Be careful out there, Son, because a hard pecker and a hot pussy have no conscience."

Take that for what it is worth, adult friends.

And if this post gets deleted, so be it.

[jamiche]

I will be crass here...As my late Father said when I was a young adolescent: "Be careful out there, Son, because a hard pecker and a hot pussy have no conscience."

Take that for what it is worth, adult friends.

And if this post gets deleted, so be it.

I'm glad you said that, Dr. D. because one of the implicit and stupid ironies of this thread is that women have no sex drive. If we didn't already know it, our 15,000 post love machine can attest that it is a fallacy.

[Moonlight]

Moon: What percentage of the population has been given that diagnosis and what is the breakdown between men and women?
I don't know. Its been a while since I've worked as a talk therapist and it was never an area of specialty. I do believe that the numbers of men are higher.
In general, our culture has a pretty addictive attitude toward sex. I have no facts to back it up with and it may not be a professional thing to say, but I would say that Clinton's behavior with the risks to his reputation and office seems more in line with SA than Tiger. Hilary's commitment to him happens with partners who know that, unlike alcohol which one can completely eschew, people don't stop being sexual beings and most relapse. This is pretty painful of course yet some couples stay together and deal with it and some have pretty amazing relationships. I personally couldn't handle it - Give me a driver or an iron, please.

[Dr.Don]

Another interesting article dealing with "abnormally excessive sex drive".

http://health.discovery.com/centers/sex/sexpedia/nymphomania.html

[scalgopher]

I think Tiger's got a wanting to have every good looking woman he sees problem and a getting caught addiction.Went to the wrong clinic.

[kapps014]

As a mental health professional (more in the past than current) I can say it is truly an addiction. Men and women with this addiction tend to have a history of sexual abuse and use sex like drugs to alleviate unbearable pain and unresolved history. Because sex is part of our wiring, when the wiring goes haywire it is very difficult to change. The emotional high of falling in love is hijacked to serve the psychological deficits. They tend to have great difficulty in having an intimate relationship and therefore tend to have terrible sex lives with the person they are partnered with (no matter the claimed prowess of their partner...). As a former therapist who has worked with people with this condition, I always laugh when I hear people wishing for a partner with a sex addiction. Really. It is heart-breaking for the partner.

That said, it is a slam for those who truly struggle with an addiction that stands in the way of a fulfilling love and sex life to have everyone with a fidelity problem claim this problem.

YOu are spot on, MOONLIGHT. From the responses I have read here, the majority of people have no idea what an addiction is, much less a sexual addiction. Thank you for adding your knowledgeable viewpoint. Without going into detail I have a very personal understanding of addictions and their collateral damages they cause. I find it a very interesting topic, in fact. THanks for weighing in!

P. S. Dr. Drew Pinsky has a wonderful series called Celebrity Rehab on VH1. In face, the series a few months ago dealt specifically with SEXUAL ADDICTION. Very interesting stuff....

[Dr.Don]

GopherLady has not referred to this thread for a long time. What is the reason for that???????